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Self Care in Relationships

Relationships are work in progress as such.  As we stay together and over time, we learn a lot about ourselves and our partner and we grow - sometimes together and sometimes apart.

Being in lockdown is a very unusual situation for us all. Working at home and home schooling in limited space can cause a lot of disarray.  Not being able to see friends and family can also put emotion stress upon us.  With no proper outlet, time pressures etc tension can build up and before we know it we are arguing, fighting and words are being spoken with haste and then things have been said that perhaps were not meant to have and we can’t take back the spoken words.

To keep ourselves sane during these current times (and any other times) here are a couple of tips to help you;

  • Communication - most couples split us due to lack of communication.  Some people find it hard to talk about their feelings for many reasons, but how can another person know how you are feeling if you don’t express them. Owning your feelings and being able to communicate adult to adult alleviates blame - “When you say….. I feel hurt” etc. If you need a hug, ask for one, if you need some space don’t feel guilty asking for it.

  • If you are working from home, take a 10 minute breather between taking off your work hat and putting on mummy hat.  Its good to process your work day before you start your next role so that all stress and frustration can be left at work.  This breather can be a quick walk around the block, a brain dump - writing all work stuff in a book or try putting on a some loud music and have a good shake or dance. 

  • Keep checking in with your feelings, if you start to feel a bit overwhelmed or anxious, ask yourself whats going on with you, what are you lacking right now.  Do some long deep breathing for a couple of minutes and see how you feel after that. 

  • Learn to say NO.  This is very hard for people to do, especially people pleasers. Ask yourself “who am I pleasing, them or me?”  

  • Stop rescuing people, you teach them to expect from you and that only turns into resentment with you in the end.

  • Start your day with gratitude, write down 3 things you are grateful for and why.  The more you have gratitude the more you bring happiness into your life.  Instead of moaning about having to help the kids with their school change it with gratitude; I am so grateful I have this opportunity to spend time teaching my kids how to.………..”  It makes such a difference to how you feel.

  • Take time out without guilt to nourish your soul.  Maybe take a nice bath with Cathy’s candles, or sit in the garden and be in nature listening the sound of the birds chirping, gardening is really grounding or take time to enjoy a nice cup of coffee without thinking of your to do list.

  • Always put yourself first, if you don’t, you will wear yourself out and will be no good to anyone.  Always think of the oxygen mask on a plane;  you put your mask on first before you help someone else.

Quote It’s not selfish to LOVE yourself, take care of yourself and to make your happiness a priority.  It’s necessary. - Mandy Hale”

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